


I’m Better When I’m By Your Side

by yuurikatsuckme



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Comfort, Depression, Fluff, Long Distance Relationships, M/M, my sons are gay and in love no matter what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 00:44:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14944436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuurikatsuckme/pseuds/yuurikatsuckme
Summary: Yuuri will always love Viktor, through thick and thin.





	I’m Better When I’m By Your Side

**Author's Note:**

> I love to self project

Viktor felt as though there had been a chunk of his chest carved out, and all that was left was this hallow and empty feeling. He stared blankly at his cream colored ceiling, quietly asking god what he could do to heal the hole in his chest.

“Viktor?” Viktor snapped his attention back to the computer screen, the sudden shift dizzying him, “Are you listening?”

Viktor sighed before pasting on a smile, “I’m sorry my darling, I was caught up in my thoughts. What were you talking to me about?”

Viktor could see the way Yuuri’s brow crinkled in a slight frustration, but the line quickly smoothed as it was placed with a more sympathetic look.

“Honey, what are you thinking about?”

Viktor felt the smile falter a bit, so he took his blankets and threw them over his head so he could no longer be seen.

“Well what’s that all about?” Yuuri questioned, the confusion clear in his voice.

Viktor only let out a muffled noise from under the covers, a noise of indifference.

“Viktor, we can’t talk if you don’t talk to me.” Yuuri’s tone grew increasingly more worried, and that fact didn’t pass over Viktor’s head.

Viktor threw the blankets off his head before turning back to face the computer screen, “I just miss you.”

“Darling,” Yuuri started, obviously not buying it, “I miss you too, but I know that’s not all that’s going on.”

Viktor sighed, looking up again at the ceiling. That bland, cream colored ceiling. Not a blemish on it, no matter how hard Viktor looked. It wasn’t like the holes in his walls from old pins that held up medals. It wasn’t like the old hole in the wall next to his door, the hole that Yuuri patched over when he moved in. It wasn’t like the carpet, covered in dog hair and stained by god knows what. 

The plain, unblemished, cream colored ceiling was a lot like the hole in his chest. Lacking. Plain. Empty. He felt himself sink further into his bed. He felt the hole in his chest deepen. 

Distantly, he heard Yuuri tryin desperately to get his attention back. Viktor couldn’t bring himself to look at the screen.

He knew one day Yuuri was going to get tired of this. Yuuri was going to get tired of Viktor’s mood swings, his depressive episodes, his clinginess, his need. How much he truly needs Yuuri. It’s painful, really, because he knows that day will come. He just tries to hard to make that day as far away as possible.

“Lyubov moya!” 

Hearing Viktor’s native tongue snapped him out of it and back to the computer screen, where Yuuri had a desperate look on his face.

“Why are you still here?” Viktor croaked, suddenly his throat felt sore. Once he realized that, he felt the tears continue to stream down his face. When had those started?

“What?” Yuuri looked confused, taken aback.

“Why are you still with me? I’m just a fucking burden Yuuri,” Viktor raised his voice over his tears and the soreness of his throat, “All I Do is burden you with my tears and my emotions and my emptiness. You deserve someone who can give you all the love in the world and not steal from you the way I do. The way my life has been stolen from me. You deserve so much better than this.”

Viktor felt the tears continue to pour, the more he spoke the harder they fell, and the blurrier Yuuri became through the computer screen.

“Viktor,” Yuuri sounded so sad. He sounded heartbroken, “That day on the beach in Hasetsu, I knew I was in it for the long haul. I was choosing that. I knew you would be by my side despite my anxiety and insecurities. I knew that you would love me for them. Of course my brain likes to often scream the opposite, but at the end of the day I know the truth,”

Viktor slowly started to wipe away the tears from his eyes, he wanted to see Yuuri more clearly.

“I knew I would do the same for you. I love every part of who you are. I love your good days and your bad days. I love your heart and your soul. I love you. I love you for who you are, no matter who you are. And your brain chemistry can’t and won’t change that fact.”

With every word Yuuri spoke, Viktor could feel the hole in his chest slowly sew itself back together. Viktor knew love couldn’t fix everything, it wasn’t the medicine to cure all wounds, but it was a start. 

“I want to help you, I want to tend to your wounds and soothe your scars. I want to love you in the sunlight and I want to love you when the rain pours. I want to love you with every star in my soul, and I want you to love me with every inch of your heart, despite our brains and our worst days. I love you. And nothing is going to change that.”

Viktor wiped the last of his dried tears off of his face, and he held the ring on his right hand to the hole in his chest. Maybe love isn’t a cure, but it’s a damn good start.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my self projection


End file.
